"Why Can't a Dog/Be More Like a Cat?" is from Dogmalion, a musical comedy which enjoyed long runs in London (2,282 performances) and New York (2,718 performances) during the late 1940s. Dogmalion was one of the earliest collaborations of Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe.

The story of Dogmalion concerns an upper-class Englishman, George Gudger, who adopts an East End mongrel and attempts to train this dog to live with him in his Mayfair flat and to cope with the company of various pedigreed West End dogs. This training campaign has many ups and downs, whose humor is expressed musically in such still-famous songs as, "I Could Have Howled All Night", "With a Little Bit of Leash", "I'm Getting Neutered in the Morning", "Get Me to the Fireplug on Time", and "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Fleas". The piece I deal with here, "Why Can't a Dog/Be More Like a Cat?" occurs toward the end of the play: George, feeling that he has completed the education of his pet, has entered her in the Royal Belgravia Dog Show, where she has charmed everyone and swept highest honors. But the dog is distressed by George's aristocratic, unexpressive manner toward her, and, upon the chance appearance of her pack of East End mongrel old friends, has run off with them. This song is George's petulant expression to an acquaintance, Felix the cat.

"Why Can't a Dog/Be More Like a Cat?" depends for its comedic effect upon sprightly, staccato delivery on the part of the George Gudger character, and also upon the counterpoint provided by Loewe's brilliant instrumentation of clarinets, horns, trombones, and trumpets. The effect of the lyrics is to create a tense anticipation in the audience, something like, "My God- is this fellow going to turn out to be a cat lover?", which is later resolved.

The lead roles in the London production of Dogmalion were played by Ralph Richardson, Edith Evans, and Elassie Doglittle. The first performance took place at the Strand Theatre on October 31, 1947. Dogmalion enjoyed immense popularity on both sides of the Atlantic for many years, only recently being supplanted by Cats as the most celebrated "animal" musical in the English-speaking world.

During the 1950s, a clever parody of this song, titled "Why Can't a Woman/Be More Like a Man?" made the rounds. Of course, this parody's lyrics would today be considered sexist, if not downright vulgar. All printed copies were hunted down and burned by the National Organization for Women in the 1970s. However, I possess a handwritten copy that I will show to any visitor who attests that he or she is over 21 and of sound moral character.

John Newmeyer, Ph.D.
Music Historian

"Why Can't a Dog Be More Like a Cat?"

[raucous barking offstage]

GUDGER:   Felix, why can't a dog be more like a cat? Yes,

Why can't a dog
    be more like a cat?
Cats are so calm
    so tot'lly serene;
Eternally graceful
    historic'ly clean;
Whom did the Pharaohs revere?
    Why, the cat!
Why can't the dog
    be like that?

Why does ev'ry dog
    do what the others do?
Can't any mutt
    learn to shun the group?
Why can't just one pup
    try to do what you do?
Why don't they ever
    learn to bury their poop?

Why can't a puppy
    take after a cat?
Cats are so pleasant
    so easy to please.
Whenever you're with them
    they're always at ease.
Would you be slighted
    if I ignored you for weeks?

FELIX: Of course not!

GUDGER:

Would you be frantic
    if I put you on the roof?

FELIX: Nonsense!

GUDGER:

Would you be wounded
    if I never threw you sticks?

FELIX: Never!

GUDGER:

Why can't a dog
    be aloof?!

One cat in a million
    may yowl a bit.
Now and then there's one
    with slight flaws yet;
One, perhaps, whose loyalty
    you doubt a bit.
But by and large they
    make a marvelous pet!

Why can't a canine
    behave like a cat?
Cats are so placid
    good natured and kind;
A better companion
    you never will find.

If I were late for your walk
    would you be whining?

FELIX: Of course not!

GUDGER:

If I forgot your silly
    bath-day, would you hiss?

FELIX: Nonsense!

GUDGER:

Would you complain if I never
    took you out driving?

FELIX: Never!

GUDGER:

Why can't a doggy,
    be like this?!

Why can't a doggy
    be more like a cat?
Cats are so elegant
    such perfect artistes
Ready to help you
    rise above the beasts.
Ready to bring out the prince
    that's hidden inside.
Why can't a dog
    have some pride?!

Why is grooming a thing
    that dogs never do?
Why is licking
    never even tried?
Chewing on their bones
    is all they ever do.
Why don't they straighten
    up the muss that's outside?

Why can't a doggy
    be more like a cat?
If I were a mongrel
    who'd been to a show,
Been hailed as a champion
    by high and by low;
Would I start howling
    like a coyote concert?
And carry on as if my
    home were in a tree?

Would a pack of mangy old
    mutts tempt me to revert?
Why can't a doggy
    be like me?!