The best treatment to "rightsize"² self-esteem is cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy was developed in the 1960s by Dr. Albert Ellis and Dr. Aaron Beck. The essence of this approach— also termed rational-emotive therapy— is to refute unrealistic negative or positive cognitions (beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes) as they occur (Ellis, 1975; Beck, 1991). These cognitions take the form of self-talk, the way we describe ourselves to ourselves. The thera-peutic patient is instructed to replace, little by little, unrealistic self-talk with realistic self-talk.

Dr. Nathaniel Branden, after years of careful research on the subject, has discerned three key elements of self-esteem: (1) self-image, (2) sense of personal efficacy, (3) regard for oneself as worthy, deserving, and lovable (Branden, 1992). More recent research has discovered that Feline Intervention is the single most cost-efficient treatment modality for persons suffering from excess self-esteem. I will now set forth a brief explanation of the Feline Intervention modality.

The patient is instructed to introduce a cat into his household. He is thereafter responsible for the housing and upkeep of this animal, who in return will provide interventions to address each of the three elements of bloated self-esteem. The patient's role is to engage with the intervention in such a way that his self-talk becomes more realistic. Here are examples of successful interventions in each element:

(1) Self-image

Positive self-talk: I am one handsome dude. My body is perfect. I'm a fine athlete.

Feline Intervention: Cat is observed to keep herself limber and lithe just by a few stretching exercises each day. Cat is observed to move, dash, and leap with incredible economy and grace. Patient thereby becomes aware of his physical shortcomings.

Realistic self-talk: I am merely an awkward ape-man. I am not the best-looking mammal in this household. I spend hours each week at the gym and don't really have much to show for it.

(2) Sense of personal efficacy

Positive self-talk: I am in charge around here. When I want something done, it gets done. I am respected and obeyed.

Feline Intervention: Cat disregards all rules and boundaries. Any gesture toward training is met with indifference. Her message is clear: "This house is mine, not yours. Your attempts to control my behavior are useless. You might call this Régence piece upholstered in Scalamandré silk a 'chair', but I will decide if it's better to call it a 'bed', a 'scratching post', or a 'toilet'."

Realistic self-talk: I have some control of things, but there are limits. Other individuals sometimes are more efficacious than me. I am prone to foolish bravado.

(3) Regard for oneself as worthy, deserving, and lovable

Positive self-talk: I am loved unconditionally. If anything were to happen to me, there would be grief and sadness.

Feline Intervention: Patient returns to his residence after an absence. The cat glances at him, voices a petulant "meowwrrr", as if to say, "Oh, it's you. You're not dead after all. Well, you can get me something to eat."

Realistic self-talk: Nothing comes without a price. There is some love for me in this world, but by and large everyone can get along perfectly well without me.

In most cases, six weeks of Feline Intervention therapy of this sort is sufficient to achieve resolution. The result is a fully recovered individual who can stride forth into the world each day, confident that he now has an appropriate sense of himself.³

Of course, a human therapist can also intervene to rightsize a patient's self-esteem. However, many patients with inflated self-esteem offer much resistance in therapy, which can be tiresome for the therapist. Feline interveners are reliably indefatigable in the face of resistance. There are additional benefits: for example, work by von Muggenthaler (2001) demonstrates that interaction with a cat or dog results in lower blood pressure. This means that a hyper-tensive, egotistical person will obtain a double benefit by living with a cat: blood pressure and self-esteem will both be lowered. (This double benefit cannot be achieved, however, by living with a dog.)

Footnotes

1   The condition is more common among males, and among first-born and only children. No ethnic or racial differences have been found; preliminary positive findings with Irish-Americans have not been substantiated.

2   "Demolish", "destroy", "downsize"— such harsh words! Much better is "rightsize", which describes the majority who require upsizing as well as the minority requiring downsizing.

3   A large "singles" bar in Houston recently instituted "Free Thursday" policies for men who could prove feline cohabitation. They report a significant reduction of complaints of obnoxious behavior from their female clientele on those weekdays. This could indicate a beneficial feline influence; however, it could simply be a matter of the type of men attracted on that day.

References

Beck, Aaron. 1991. Cognitive therapy: A 30-year retrospective. American Psychologist 46:368:375.

Branden, Nathaniel. 1992. The Power of Self-Esteem. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Ellis, Albert. 1975. Guide to Rational Living. New York: Wilshire Book Company.

Von Muggenthaler, Elizabeth. 2001. "The felid purr: A healing mechanism?" Hillsborough, NC: Fauna Communications Research Institute.