Friendly Joshing During
the Grand Prix d'Evolution
he Grand Prix d'Evolution was a grueling five million-year competition among orders of animals, to determine who would rule the Earth. From the start, three impressive contenders dominated the competiton: primates, felines, and canines. Though the race was won in the final eon by the primates, each group enjoyed ample local successes.
There was plenty of honest admiration of the orders of animals for each other's prowess. However, one can also imagine these good-natured taunts echoing across the African veldt, as the orders mocked each other's failings:
"You guys would go hungry a lot less if you learned to eat fruit. You just need to work on your color vision, to tell ripe from unripe and your opposable thumb, to pluck the ripe fruit and your molars, so you can gently squeeze out the juice and spit out the pits."
"OK, we admit that you guys are good sprinters. But you're gonna need endurance to catch those big, fat, tasty ungulates. If you're not up to an afternoon of dogged loping-after, you're gonna do without!"
"One word, my friends: 'ambush'. Such an elegant way to catch one's dinner, and don't you love the surprised look on their faces! Of course one needs to be ver-r-r-y quiet and calm for a long time, something quite beyond the ability of chattering, yelping, hollering, twitching types like yourselves!"
"All this standing up and peering at things! Are you expecting your dinner to jump up out of the grass and wave their paws at you? 'Here I am, come and get me!'? No, you need to stop and smell the air and then you need to focus your ears you can focus your ears, can't you? and listen."
"What do you fellows have against climbing trees? Such tasty morsels to be found up there, especially in birds' nests! And hey if you're gonna be a champ, you've gotta look good! Haven't you mutts even heard of grooming?"
"Just what part of teamwork don't you understand?"(printer friendly version)