1.Have him pronounce "six" (as in his answer to, "How old were you when you acquired a taste for beer?") If it rhymes with "seeks", he's an Australian.

2.Say the words, "All Blacks". If he smiles, he's from New Zealand. If he frowns, he's from Australia.

3.If he can interpret the sentence, "May I bring my abo mate to your barby this avo?", chances are he's Australian.

4.Take a look at his hat. If the brim is bent up against the crown, or if there's even one cork, he's an Aussie.

5.If he says, "I love my country, but I also like being abroad, because I enjoy going out at night once in awhile," he could only be a Kiwi.

6.Have him pronounce "pool". Only an Aussie could make it rhyme with "curl".

7.Ask him what the local slang for "gay man" is. Aussies prefer "poofter", while New Zealanders use the more informal "poof" or "queer".

8.Say the words, "convict colony", and watch his hands. If he clenches his fists reflexively, he's Australian.

9.Listen to the way he says "today" (as in responding to, "When's the right time for our next big party?") If it rhymes with "to die", he's an Aussie.

10.Ask, "what's your opinion about the taste of muttonbird: 'love it', 'hate it', or 'don't know'?" If he answers, "don't know", he's an Australian.

11.Listen to him say the words, "Let's dance". If he sounds like an American, he's from Australia. If he sounds like an Englishman-- or if he waits for you to say those words to him-- he's a Kiwi.

12.Look for the familiar Union-Jack-and-Southern-Cross flag about his person. Generally, Aussies like to show the flag and Kiwis don't. But if you're in any doubt, just remember that the Australian flag has "seeks" stars and the New Zealand flag only four.